Day 31 #reallifephotoaday To be vulnerable by our own hand is a gift. To extend and say, this life is worth us bringing our FULL selves is a gift not only to ourselves but to the world. Especially, when from the day we are born we our taught to pretend, hide, stiff upper lip, to put on a good face, put our best foot forward, don't let them see you sweat, etc. To be REAL in a world that pushes the contrary is, a radicle act. So I say YES to the RADICLE ACT of living into our

Day 30 #reallifephotoaday This month-long project is coming to an end and here are some thoughts. When I started this I didn't really know exactly what it would become it was mostly a direct reaction to a conversation I had with a friend around the deep isolation they were feeling and possibly how social media played a part in heightening those feelings. Like so many things it became more than my messy house. It became an insatiable desire in me to face my fears, push my own

Day 28 #reallifephotoaday I can't prepare myself for you Grief Make myself ready for what is coming When the house is empty No key in the lock after curfew I can't lock my heart up to refuse you Grief No one to remind so the chores go undone Arms empty of daily hugs Kisses over calls over distance Grief All the tiny ways All the spaces you fill How you make us four I will set my face toward the feelings Let them in Little Little Bit by bit Everything changes Man-boy Boy-

Day 27#reallifephotoaday I am this same girl 38 years later. I may not have the Laura Ingles braids but that sensitive lover of justice still beats inside my chest. Why do the things that happen to us often cause us to try and erase the child? Why do the grownups, bullies, and dream crushers usually succeed in silencing this beauty within us? Convincing us all of ”it” was our fault, if we had only been MORE?! More of what? More adult and less the child we actually were? Less

Day 26 #reallifephotoaday I'm an overthinker so much so that tonight at a jazz show I was contemplating my overthinking. This this how it plays out in my mind... I wonder how people perceive me, do they see me how I see myself (a hot mess on the inside), maybe a bit standoffish, reserved? Then my overthinking goes out to the people around me... Do they spend as much time thinking about emotional intelligence, boundaries, spiritual practice, are they talking about trauma, fami

Day 25 #reallifephotoaday What is it about vulnerability that sends people running? For me there is something about vulnerable people that always pulls me in, sets me at ease, I can let my guard down a bit, we have more in common than not. People that look at vulnerability as weakness set my teeth on edge. But culturally it seems this world is set up for the latter. The thing is if it's our vulnerability and we willing give it, e

Day 24 #reallifephotoaday Doesn't get more real than a photo this close to your face #therealbeautiful so close I can see the crumbs on my face from my snack, not to mention sun on my cheeks, and my wrinkles. Today I've been ruminating on what I wrote yesterday and all of your beautiful comments back - because you get it❤️and a long walk with my friend @porchphilosophiser where we talked about the difficulties around getting the help we need and it’s deep connections to not g

Day 23 #reallifephotoaday This is a difficult one to write, not because of fear or failure or whatever, it’s not having the words that I want to say. I am a fucking strong person! I have survived against all odds! I am a pretty decent mother and wife also against the odds! But I am also fragile in ways that may never crack the surface of my survivor attitude, except with my closest people. Not because I don’t want to show it, more because I am almost incapable of not being s

Day 22 #reallifephotoaday sometimes you are just to tired to write ANYTHING! Still sweaty from a run, sitting watching Bob’s Burgers and that’s enough #therealbeautiful BTW I will shower soon. #thevulnerabilityproject #therealbeautiful #reallifephotoaday #thevulnerabilityproject

Day 21 #reallifephotoaday Are you anything like me do you sometimes have trouble letting the good sink in? Do you almost immediately move to fear, anxiety, fear of failure? After something brilliant? I got a promotion today that I really wanted, I was up against other people and it's an exclusive little starter group. It's not a paid gig but has many other perks that I am ready to learn. Almost immediately after getting the news the doubt started to creep in, on the flip side

Day 20 #reallifephotoaday Sometimes I need to remind myself to rest. Today was one of those days, it was all good and full of good stuff but at the end of it I was emotionally exhausted. You know that feeling where you want to cry or sleep and everything feels more overwhelming than it should be or than the situation dictates. That’s how it felt and the beautiful thing is...I saw it, gave myself space to feel it without saying I shouldn’t feel this way or my usual WHY AM I SO

Day 19 #reallifephotoaday Treasures found while digging in my backyard...a small doll arm, a heeled doll shoe, and a doll tennis shoe. You might be thinking I DON’TSEE ANY TREASURES. These are the songs of a backyard playground for the last 18 years and it’s all treasures to me. Hide and seek, pirates, mud pits, Barbies, Pokémon, slip-in-slide, battles, water fights, you name it, it’s a magical kingdom back here. It’s also a reminder of the change that’s coming as my kids mov

Day 18 #reallifephotoaday I had a good day today. It started with me taking my friend @tamarabpottery out in my new kayak and just soaking it all in, bald eagles, herons, beautiful plants and lots of bird song. Talking about business plans, enneagram, and how Jr. High is a time for real humor before the coolness of High School kicks in. When I got home my son was there because his senior-skip day plans had fallen through. We had a good chat about his music &

Day 18 #reallifephotoaday I had a good day today. It started with me taking my friend @tamarabpottery out in my new kayak and just soaking it all in, bald eagles, herons, beautiful plants and lots of bird song. Talking about business plans, enneagram, and how Jr. High is a time for real humor before the coolness of High School kicks in. When I got home my son was there because his senior-skip day plans had fallen through. We had a good chat about his music &

Day 17 #reallifephotoaday I took a walk today not in the woods but in my neighborhood. I wasn’t looking for magic but it found me... confetti on ivy or caught in a spiders web, a canopy of trees with light peeking through, or a little magical tree path like something out of Narnia. It's all magic to me if I’m willing to see it. And I am willing! To look with child’s eyes at the world around me and be grateful. Sometimes I can’t see the magic no matter how hard I try, life is

Day 16 #reallifephotoaday this is my new back door this morning I tried to let the dogs out for their morning constitutional and the door wouldn’t open and the lock was jammed. This door was already hanging on by a thread. So I went to the rebuilding center found a door, brought it home, spent 40 minutes taking off the old door, punched myself in the face (not on purpose) and still kept going because...I CAN DO THIS! One difficulty after the other and still I persisted. Drill

Day 15 #reallifephotoaday fire pit with friends❤️ Over the course of my life I have had a complicated relationship with friendships-I blame Anne of Green Gables. I was always looking for that bosom friend or perfection. As I’ve grown up and learned about myself and how I am in the world a lot of what I thought friendship was about fell away and has been replaced by acceptance for what I need in friendships and what others need as well: we are different, receive love different

What do we tell ourselves that may or may not be true? What do we need access to? How can we get help? Who can we help get access? Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 #theRealBeautiful #reallifephotoaday #thisisreallife #thevulnerabilityproject

Day 13 #reallifephotoaday this person @toddfadel made a dream of mine real today he found me a used kayak on Craigslist. He is constantly saying yes to my inner NO. The no that is inside of me saying-there’s not enough, this isn’t for you, you don’t deserve that. He helps me embrace the #therealbeautiful of YES! And because of him I am able let love in. #thevulnerabilityproject #theRealBeautiful #reallifephotoaday #thevulnerabilityproject #thisisreallife

Day 12 #reallifephotoaday Okay, so this is not a photo from today but in light of American Mother’s Day and how complicated it is for most of us I’m posting this instead... I am a Mother and also the daughter of a mother who has tried to break me beyond reason, so it’s complicated. My goal in my life has been to mother well not just my own children but anyone one in need of comfort, compassion and a listening ear. To be a shower-upper. This probably is a direct result of not