I am living daily in the loneliness of which she speaks. Unraveling what I had, living into what I now have. They are different now. I don't know my place, let's be honest, I'm not sure I ever did know my place. My community the Bridge, that I pastored almost 8 years defied all the norms: ear-splitting music (you wouldn't be embarrassed to sing in public), an open dialog of anything and everything (sexuality, race, privilege, the necessity of unbelief, intersectional feminism, patriarchy, justice, etc.). I went through so much of my life in that community (16 years): my marriage, birth of my kids, healing from childhood abuse, deconstruction and reconstruction of my faith and so much more.
I have loneliness so deep sometimes it is a gaping hole that just needs to be felt. That band of offbeat weirdos, were my people, my tribe, my family, and now we are thrown to the four corners of the wind.
And still, I stand. In this practice of spiritual direction that I try and follow, I would be saying to you, if we were sitting face to face and you were going through this...What does loneliness have to show you? I believe in the core of myself, beyond the gaping hole it has something to show me. I don't know what the hell it is and I wish it would F-ing hurry up. But my belief is, it has something to say and when loneliness is ready, it will speak its wisdom in my ear and I will listen.