Today is the sixth day of the 2-week meditation experiment. For those not following on my FaceBook page or didn't join the Meditation Experiment Group I will catch you up.
I love meditating most of the time and at many points in my meditation practice can sight benefits from doing it. That said it has still not been enough for me to quickly slide into not doing it on a regular basis, so as much for me as for others feeling this way I decided to do a 2-week experiment.
In the 2-weeks it will go as follows.
People in the group will cheer each other on
Post what their trying, what is and isn't working, and why
I will daily post what I'm trying. Mostly I gravitate to the Stop, Breath & Think App. self-timer, but I also wanted to see what others are trying and try those myself also see what is out there that might be new to me
We are interacting with each other in nonshaming ways. And also holding space for the difficulties that can arise whether you are meditating or not - life still happens. -These were the only guidelines for the group (Guidelines for safety. This is a non-religious group set up to help us take the shoulding and feelings of failure out of meditating. Please don't advise anyone here. You can say how a method or app helped you and why. There are no prizes for best meditator (I always want to be the teacher's pet). We can encourage and support our struggles with monkey mind and making time for something that is hard to make time for.)
Remembering this is a low pressure and low-commitment group. Do what you can!
In the group, I am as interactive as time will permit me. I am loving the suggestions and in the group, I am realizing more and more that there are as many types of meditations as there are types of people - endless. I/We can try them all pick up what feels right and drop what doesn't.
I am also posting on my F.B. Spiritual Direction and Soul Care page and also my Instagram but am less interactive with those-those are mainly for people that want to do the experiment on their own or just follow along.
I am deep into day 6. I had a rough morning meditation. My house was loud and outside was even louder, plus the morning coffee high was kicking in - which led to rapid Monkey Mind (monkey mind as I define it {I don't know who came up with the phase, but I love it} is when you try to get into a relaxed state and your mind is so active that even the page turner thought techniques don't work and it's almost impossible to quiet the mind). I normally do 10 minutes in the morning, but this morning instead of getting frustrated I stopped at the half way chime I and decided to change today up.
It will look like this-
Morning 5 min Lunch either 2 to 5 min depending on how I feel (I did 3 minutes in nature sounds) Bedtime 5 min sleep meditation
So far so good.
But I did want to take the time to share something I noticed today and yesterday. today right when I laid down to do the meditation with the trickling water and birds sounds playing without realizing it I was crying. I had a thought in that moment that the same thing happened to me yesterday. These were not sad tears exactly they were tears of something like remembrance.
Yesterday, it was all about going to my safe place real or imaginary and feeling that place surround and envelope me in safety. My inner self or child self took me to this lake I found when I was young girl and have never been able to find again (sounds mysterious I know) and today it was the self-led bird and water sounds and I was crying again- why?
Well, here is what I think. I think I am giving myself the safety it longs for and really I am the only one that can give that to myself. And now that I am 6-days into this experiment my held tension of PTSD and survival mode is giving me moments/nuggets of let down.
The tears are - I know you and you know me and that deep inner knowledge of my inside and outside self are merging in a beautiful form of muscle memory, not the traumatic kind I'm used to feeling but a deep well of - I got you - you are safe.
If you can try and be available to yourself and notice any subtle changes that might be occurring I don't think you will be disappointed by what you find in fact you might be amazed.
Angie