Whether you have the best family, friends, and colleges the world has to offer, this time of year can still be complicated and painful for so many of us.
The pressure to do more! Be more! Spend more! And pretend that everything is alright is at an all-time high. It doesn't matter what you are celebrating Hanukkah, Kwanza, Christmas, Lohri, Winter Solstice or all of the above it is a time for most of us to face our own inner demons plus the ones we were born into.
I have spent over 20 years active undoing my own trauma, listening to my needs, my children's needs, the needs of the people in my community and my clients. I have failed to listen to myself and tried to learn from that. I have also tried to let reality be my guide. If people have always been assholes, boundary crossers, poo-pooers, then that is who they are until they show me over time something different. The holidays do not change people!!! No amount of holiday magic makes people behave!!! In fact, often people are more dangerous during the holidays manipulating, coercing, and lying to your face to get you to do what they want you to do. But you can still have the magic with much less pain.
I would love for this group to be SAFE! JUDGEMENT FREE! SUPPORTIVE! One way I know to do that is set up some ground rules.
#1. No advice giving. If someone asks for suggestions on how to approach a certain situation you can offer up things you've tried, but if someone is just stating a frustration and hasn't asked for advice please only offer space and empathy.
#2. Ask for what you want. If you are open to the life experience of others to help in your situation - ask for help.
#3. This isn't a religious group. All are welcome to participate in the conversation and share things that have helped and hindered.
#4. Please no pat answers, bandaging, quick fixes. Some of us have deep pain and trauma this time of year. It was a time where we were extra exposed to damaging and dangerous people.
That said, if you try to tell someone to do something dangerous, exposing or you are flippant with someone else's pain - I will block you.
I will also be posting things I've written in the past that might be helpful to you.
You will find the Facebook group at