This is a stream of consciousness blog in reaction to my friend taking her life- lots of typos and some back-and-forths with myself. It's messy and how I'm feeling right now.
Fuck suicide! Is that too harsh for you? Have you got so caught up with me leading with the F-word that you missed the suicide part? Saying the f-word is far less harsh than the reality of someone taking their life and the f-word doesn't leave devastation - except for the slight discomfort of the easily offended.
But being toughed by suicide leaves you scared and doubting. Always wondering will I make it this time? Will they make it? Will it ever feel better? Will it ever get better? It puts a bug in your ear of IF ONLY- I called, didn’t miss that coffee date, said I loved you more, showed up more, was better, loved different, was different. It leaves a hole full of IF ONLY'S that never go away.
One of the problems that comes with stigmas around mental health is it's unsafe, taboo, and risky at times to get help. It is complicated to figure out what will help when getting a diagnosis, finding a therapist, figuring out what meds work and don’t work, being vulnerable about your inner world.
We all have stuff. Stuff that is chemical. Stuff that is biological. Stuff that is family of origin. Stuff that is from abuse, abandonment, rejection, etc. Yet, most of us have been taught or learned to hold it in and hold it together. But anything or anyone struggling with too much weight put on them will buckle under the weight. We can only take so much.
What do we do?
What we do is start a revolution! Person to person not just saying- I am safe, but being safe. Creating safe spaces and finding resources. You might be thinking that’s for the professionals, let them handle it.
Nope! It is for every human to lead with love! To lead with listening! To say I’m not really sure how to help or even if I can help, but I’m here, I’m not leaving, and I want to help in any way I can.
You find the resources not to tell someone what they need to do, but to build empathy for what it is like to deal with what they're dealing with. If your person doesn’t know what to do next you can offer some of what you have learned- But you listening! You loving! You showing up! That is revolutionary.
If you do it for your people and I do it for mine-it will spread.
What is the cure? I don’t have the cure but have an idea of what could help inoculate us and maybe help us get through the times we don’t think we can make it.
It is again LEAD WITH LOVE.
Remembering everyone has something they are dealing with! Everyone is trying to get through their day, their hour, their minute, their second.
When we lead with love we are saying- I see you being an asshole driver and I get it, it can suck out here but we are in this together.
Do I do this? Not all the time, but I am trying. Trying not to lead with my fear. Trying to see the humanity behind the human.
Do you think this is too idealistic and that’s not how the real world works?
It’s not how the real world works but it should be and nothing ever changes by giving in to the status quo. We change things by seeing them how we want them to be. People don’t get free by hoping their oppressor will give them freedom, they get free by seeing how things should be, working little by little, step by step, toward that reality and taking their freedom back.
TRY TO BE KIND!