I recently was diagnosed with hypothyroidism and am on medication for the first time in my life. It has been a mixed bag and frankly, I'm all over the place physically and emotionally. On the one hand, I finally have some answers in regards to how I've been feeling for a very long time, and on the other hand, I still feel totally in the dark about what caused it, why I feel so much worse on the medication (like all my energy has been sucked out through a straw), and how to get any answers.
I know that this isn't the worst thing to happen to me but it is a diagnosis, my diagnosis, (that I've probably been struggling with for 6 years) and it's something I now have to live with and wrap my brain around.
As someone that likes to talk about things very openly - this is where I'm at. I'm very tired, foggy-headed, muscles are aching, I feel depressed, I'm not sleeping - to name a few of the symptoms I'm currently struggling with. Not to mention how this comes in conflict with the deep-rooted "good worker" mentality that is deeply embedded in me. I can tell you to rest, to be kind to yourself, let your body do what it needs to do, and I can offer myself this same understanding and grace but it is much harder for me to let myself exist there or know how to exist there. Does that make sense?
It is hitting me in waves and those waves are coming so fast I barely can catch my breath before the next one hits. It is the waves of EVERYTHING IN LIFE RIGHT NOW! And all of us trying to live, survive, and pay attention can probably relate to this feeling. We are all screaming at the universe to give us a break from the barrage! It's hard out here for anyone trying to be a loving, functioning human in this world and anyone saying different is selling something.
And that brings me to what I want to say to you - YOU ARE DOING ENOUGH! Right now at this moment, you are doing what you can. It may not fit what society thinks you should be doing, or what your partner, parents, friends, boss, or you think you should be doing - but it is what you can do right now and tonight or tomorrow or in the next minute you may feel different, but right now you don't. So don't let a moment in time define who you are - our lives are made up of billions of moments! Some we wish we could get a do-over on and many we are grateful for. One moment where you don't feel yourself or many moments where you don't feel yourself don't define you. Moments don't define us, because in the next moment we can make a different choice we can make a more loving, gentle, excepting, grace-filled, mistake-embracing choice.
I'm trying to feel okay with how I feel and if you feel off as well I want you to know you aren't alone - that we have each other's backs in this hard humaning we are doing.
I've added a meditation. This is for the desperate, disillusioned, despondent, and anyone else just feeling it today.