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I Will Hold Onto Myself

Updated: Jan 25, 2022

This image feels like it needs to be BIG take up all the space on the page.

I want to lose myself in the woods, the water, and the cliff edge.

I want to breathe in the Fir, Cedar, and loamy moss of the forest floor

I want my lungs to fill with cool crisp air and notice their limit

I want to lose myself there to find myself here

Find myself in a world that doesn't make sense

Not bent and bowed from the weight


Somehow standing again on strong legs that bear me up


For now, it's just me wrestling with the gloom and the glory


Holding onto ourselves while being overwhelmed with the pain all around us and in us is to struggle with the paradox of the human condition. There will always be pain we can't avoid that and there will always be us - it's what we do in and with the pain and ourselves where real beauty emerges.

It's not about doing everything right but trying despite and maybe even because of our human frailties, trying because we see ourselves reflected in the act of that trying. It is loving in a world the seems bent on hate and destruction - this is where we see our true selves reflected. It is leaning into vulnerability when we would rather insulate ourselves from it. It is getting back up after disillusion and despair and trying for belief again and again and again.

Holding onto ourselves no matter what the world brings is a radical act worth doing.



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