This is one of those mantras that is on repeat for me at the moment. It is just another way to say "Just because I can doesn't mean I should" from a mantra I wrote a while back. What I'm trying to illustrate to myself and perhaps to you is that just because we have the tools, resilience, history, capabilities to survive something doesn't mean we should be put into those positions in the first place.
Let me explain it this way - I come from a traumatic background and have spent much of my life reading books, going to therapy, watching and listening to anything that could help me survive my traumatic childhood and also help me live a more full life as an adult. I didn't always want to be at the mercy of my triggers and constantly be taken out by traumatic situations. I wanted to try and mitigate them.
For the most part, this has worked brilliantly and has helped me survive other traumas that have come with being alive. But even though I have the capacity to survive shit doesn't mean it is right for people to put me there.
It's hard to explain but there is this thing that we do as people - the stronger someone seems the less they get considered. The tougher someone acts the more it's assumed they will be fine. The more emotionally resilient the person the more they are asked to put up with dangerous bullshit.
I'm probably not doing a great job explaining this because it is really fresh for me. Recently, I agreed to a short chat with a therapist (that was supposed to be informational) and it turned into a non-consensual group therapy session. I hadn't agreed to do therapy with this person nor was I aware they were going to turn the meeting into that. The other dilemma I had was I didn't feel I could get out of this meeting without hurting the others in the session. So it was a setup for me.
And I still showed up
leaned into vulnerability
was transparent
stood up for myself
and was more professional than the person that was supposed to be the professional in the room.
Did I survive it - YES!
Does that make it right - NO!
Do I regret bringing my full self - NO!
Did that therapist deserve my full self - NO!
Did I leave unscathed - NO!
And this is what I'm trying to illustrate. Yes, it is good that we can survive painful experiences, and also that doesn't let others off the hook for willing putting us in situations and circumstances that could have been avoided. Just because they think we can survive it. We deserve better than being thrown to the wolves because we've shown we can survive it. We deserve to be treated with care, concern, and consent like everyone else.
Just Because I Can Survive It Doesn't Make It right
Please take care of yourself out there and if you've been set up like this recently
Know this
You aren't alone
And you deserve better.
Love,
Angie