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Mantra Extra

Just a little something I’ve been thinking about in the time of corona. How our roles may have shifted in the workplace but not necessarily peoples abilities to mange those roles of responsibility well. If you were a shitty boundary crossing boss before this pandemic you didn’t all sudden become a better more thoughtful boss during it. Chances are all of your terrible traits are now MAGNIFIED.

But let’s be honest that’s not who’s reading my posts. I’m guessing it’s the people trying to do better under the most trying, crisis inducing situations, who are reading this.

I have to say as someone who is self-employed I am not the best boss to myself, either. I often fall into shaming and blaming myself until curling into the fetal position I get a burst of creative energy.

I‘m not going to tell you how to have a boundary with your boss right now because that is a really hard place to be and depending on your situation could be very costly. But I am going to hazard a guess that boundaries actually start with us, inside of us. Meaning, if we first take stock inside us we are more likely to be able to say what we can and cannot do. Or find ways to survive this new life/work balance we are trying to create on the fly.

When I do pre-marriage counseling one of the big things I tell couples is- getting married, having a baby, and funerals (high stressors) bring out the worst and best in people and sometimes it’s not who you expect. Ways to mitigate the damage to yourself and to your celebration is prepare yourself as best as you can for this inevitably.

Don’t expect people to act different than they always do! They may end up surprising you but be prepared for the worst.

In a wedding ceremony one of the ways to do this is by not giving the most important jobs to the people that typically do the most damage even if they are your parents. By most important jobs I mean important to you. You can’t do this if you don’t know what’s important to you- what is your non-negotiables.

We figure out our boundaries when we take stock of what’s important to us. And as we figure that out we become more secure in setting our internal line- or don’t cross this or else.

We may not get exactly what we want in this strange time but we can figure out better what we need and that comes with sitting with ourselves and becoming our own safe listener.

Take that time. It’s not easy but you are worth it.



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