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Day 23 The Real Beautiful

Day 23 #reallifephotoaday This is a difficult one to write, not because of fear or failure or whatever, it’s not having the words that I want to say. I am a fucking strong person! I have survived against all odds! I am a pretty decent mother and wife also against the odds! But I am also fragile in ways that may never crack the surface of my survivor attitude, except with my closest people. Not because I don’t want to show it, more because I am almost incapable of not being strong or at least presenting that way. It’s that long used armor that is hard to shed. With that strength comes difficulties with knowing when enough physical pain is enough, because I can handle a lot of physical pain. There is also the dilemma around calling a stranger: Dr., therapist, chiropractor, dentist it really doesn’t matter for me there is a massive mind fuck around calling. I know I’m not alone in this, but what I don’t know is why. Why is it so hard to call? To make an appointment that will potentially save you or at least give you relief? I called the Chiropractor today after being in debilitating pain for months and after the call wept. Maybe it was from the stress of waiting so long, maybe I wept because I was finally putting my needs before whether we could afford it or not, maybe it was adrenaline let down, fear released and realized, maybe all of those. I can say next time it will be different and it might, but the truth is it may always be hard for me to make these calls and I want to release myself from any shame in that. It just is. I may always need help around this. And that's okay.❤️ If you are like me I hope you can be kind to yourself and make the next small step forward. You are not alone💕#therealbeautiful #thevulnerabilityproject Photo Credit Brennan Fadel 

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